Life!!!!!!

Hey everyone,whats up?Hopeeveryone is doing alright,didnt think I was going to write in my blog tonight,but,I need to vent and let things out.I feel like I am driving myself crazy,no,dont think,I am,I am driving myself crazy,if you get my drift.My heart is aching,my heart is hurting,all because of saying something to my mom,that,I wish I had never said and now its like,theres some tension between us,but,but,sometimes,its how I feel,belive me,I know she hayes it there and I want her home more than anything.She wanted a Jr Wopper from Burgar King and my sis is always asking me what I am going to take to her,so,I told her and my mom got mad at me and before I go on,she was mad anyways,because,Therepay said,that she wont be coming home anytime soon,so,she was upset about that.I wasn't feeling good and I wasn't coming to see her today,I was laying down at the time and I said,all you want is,you don't even want to see me.Belive me,I feel bad,if I could take it back,I would.She said she is being treated like a baby,she said,why did you tell her what you were going to bring her?I said,she asked and I couldn't lie,my mom does the same thing when Gary brings her food and we tell her not to tell her,so,you get my point?But,I cant tell her that,she will get mad than she already is.When she is mad,shes mad,she stays mad and doesn't want to have anything to do with you,menaing me!!!Because,she said,she doesn't want me to bring anything to her anymore,she even said,if I did get her something,she would ask my sister,meaning,she didn't want me coming to see her.Wouldnt that hurt you?Even thoe,I am sure,she didn't mean anything she was saying,I would do anything to get her out of were shes at,but,I cant,than she brought up paying for my vactions.Right now,I feel like,nothing,I feel I am nothing,sometimes I want to tell her how I feel,but,I cant,I cant and I wont,she doesn't need to be upset.She feels like this is my house,my dog and its not,I don't want it like that.Tottlay be honest with you,I am not liking my life right now,very depressing,I have no fun anymore,I don't laugh.Even thoe,in the midst of this trial,I am trying to be blessed,because,I have a lot to be thankful to God for,even thoe,I do get mad at him,but,theres a reason for everything,keep trying to tell myself that.I am trying to keep it all together,but,sometimes and most of the time now,I want to give up,but,I wont.You all heard me say that before.My mom is hard to deal with,even before she got the stroke.How can you have a life?Maybe that is not very nice of me to say,I know that is not nice of me to say.I don't even know what I am saying anymore.I just feel like I am not doing anything right.It hurts that my mom doesn't want anything from me,now that is just tonight,maybe things will be different in the moring,I hope so.You all probllay think I am nuts,well,I know I am.LOL.I may ocme back here tonight or llate on,I am tired,stressed.Thank you all for being there for me.Be safe and warm out there.PeaceOut!!!