You know me,I needed to vent!!!

Hi all,

Hope that everyone is doing fine,I am trying my best to hang in there,right now,just feeling a lot of stress,feeling tired all the time,dont know if I can take it anymore.I know I have said this before,I want to give up,really,I do,but,I cant and I wont,but,I know that my family would miss me and they love me so much and I have so many who care for me like you all do as well.Its just a struggle,with what me and Sister have to go through with helping Mom,its not just that,I would do it all over again,if it means getting my Mom,feeling better and getting home,staying home.I miss her so much,it hurts and so does her Son(Teddy).LOL.Yes,thats what I call him,my Moms son and I am Sisy.I wouldn't know what I would do if I didn't have him in our lives.He brings a lot of joy and laughter.I think Teddy is the smartest dog in the world.LOL.But,we all think that our pets are so smart.I am tired,our whole life changed right before our very own eyes.I love my Brothers,but,they don't want to help,its to far for them to come and see there own Mom,when,they only live like an hour for one brother and 2 hours for the other brother.I get so mad and angry.They don't even call and check up on there sisters,both of there sisters,but,since I am staying alone,they don't call or do nothing and yes,it hurts.My and Sis and I,mostly my Sis,gave up a lot,taking care of Mom,I don't even know wat I am saying anymore.What has my life gone to?Will,I ever have a happy peaceful life?I want my Mom to come home,I want to scream,yell,holler,dont know how to reach out.I don't know how to be a friend and I want so much to have a friend.I think I try to hard at church.I love my church family,they are wonderful people.

Don't get me worng,I am blessed that I am alive,that I have so much to be thankful for,I guess,I am just angry and feeling utterly alone all the time,because,I just don't know how to reach out to someone.I want to be able to laugh,be silly,but,how?I cant even manage to get things cleaned around the house,it gets done,but slowly.So my question is,will I ever get to a place in my life were I can be at peace?I am 41,feel like I have no life,I say I want to have friends,hang out,enjoy life,not to many friends,just a few,but,I feel like I am a loner,keeping to myself.I don't want to be a loner,I do know that I am shy.Do yu know when the last time I made my bed?Idont remember,really,I dont,Ido know the sheets and blnkets are clean.So,tell me what am I doing worng?Anyways,I am going to stop here,I am getting sleepy.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout!!I will be back again.Would love your input.  >3