Just Me!!
Frustation,stress,want to screame,yes its there,I am trying something new here.Trying to just say what I feel and I do,I try,just hard to get out sometimes and tonight I don't want to be nice about it!!!!I am soooooooooo missing my Dad right about now,thinking if He was still here,maybe things would be better,talking about my Mom,She is very sick,has so any health issues going on with her,She cant be by Herself,has to have someone with Her at all times,I am about to pull my hair out.I didn't think it was going to be this stressful,when Mom came home from the Hospital.You all know how much I love my Mom,if I loose my Mom,I wouldprobllay fall apart,probllay be in a mental ward,yes,I said that.We are close,even thoe we get on eachothers nerves.I know She is worried,She has to stay relaxed,that She cant do.I want Her better and She will get better as long as She follows Doctors orders,needs to eat better,eating more vegys,fish,nothing but healthy foods and fruit.I myself have to do that to.My Mom was on the verge of killing Herself over weekend,was so glad She went into the Hosiptal,even my Sister said,the food She had been eating would have killed Her.My Mom is my life,without my Dad,sometimes I am still mad at Him for leaving,He should be here,but,I know its not His falt.Sometimes I cant breathe in this house,but,I cant let go,need to be there for my Mom,I cant loose it and I wont.I need Her and She needs me.I want my MOATVATION back,how do you get it back?I do think slowly,some things are coming back and I am finally trying to call this house my home,it is my home,doesnt mean I still miss my old oldso many memories there.Still never thought things could hange right before your eyes!!!Dad dying was a shock to us all.I want my life back to what ever that was before.Will I get it back,how do you all do it?I will tell you this,I know I have to want to live my life the way I want to,like for instance,being happy,its a choice,isnt it?Always thought you have to be happy?Is it in me?I want it to be in me.I am tired of being lonely and sad,I don't want to be like this forever,I try to wake up every moring,thinking good thoughts,being happy.You tell me,how do I do it?I am greatful,I have a good family and a good church family.Maybe its because I don't get out much,didnt get out much when I was working either.Thanks for listning,Still need more to get out.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout!!!
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Dearest Amanda,
ReplyDeleteWhen a loved one dies our world is turned upside down. I know how much you miss your dad, how hard it is. I just lost my beloved Johnny a mere eight months ago. When we lose somebody by death it's natural to want things as they were before, but that can never be, honey. That is the first thing you have to do, is remind yourself of that. It's hard, I know, but life goes on, honey. It does. And stress is part of life. The trick is learning how to handle stress. As long as you keep thinking on how you wish things were, keep holding so tight to what makes you angry, you'll continue to be miserable. You may have told me once, but have you tried counseling? It does help. Being on tranquilizers for a little while may help too, especially now that you're Mom is so ill. Have you talked to your doctor about that? Anger is so unhealthy, honey, so bad for us. Please feel free to email me any time. I may not get right back to you but will always answer. Take care, okay. Praying for you. Love you much.
hugs!!!!!!!!!!! Being strong is hard, You are right about the getting out part. Have you thought about volunteering at the animal shelter? Keep talking. I have found that it helps keep you sane.
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