Yup,I am venting again.

Hey guys,hows it going?I just want to vent,guess your all probllay getting tired of me venting of the same thing,its just,I don't have anyone I can really talk to about things,about how I really feel.This time,I want to vent,let it all out,but,I also would like to get some advice on what I need to say to my Regular new doctor when I go see the doctor.I don't know anymore,maybe it really is mind over matter?Know you all have heard that saying before?Why cant I stop thinking on the negative and start thinking of good thoughts?Barb,I liked your advice,kept reading it and trying to follow your advice,but its hard,when you mind is so set on living in the negative and no one understands how I feel except for you guys.I cant even get one task done in this house,it takes me a long time to get things done.I can say I was like this even before my Dad passed,even when I was working,but,I don't think I this bad.Why do I still miss my Dad?Its only been a few years and I miss Him sooooooooooo much that it still hurts and I know I have to move on,I am trying,but,its hard.This feeling in my stomach,I hate it,it feels like I want to give up,but,I don't want to,I want to be happy,I want to live my life the way I want to,I want to laugh,have friends in my life to hang out with.I just never relize,my life has changed so much.My heart hurts,I am lonely,I am sad,maybe I am depressed.I just once,would like my life to go the way I want it to,but,I don't know what that is.I know I shouldn't say this,but,I am so mad at my Dad for dying,for leaving His family,I am a bad person for saying that,I know,but,I am angry,why did He have to leave?I still picture like it was yesterday.I know,it wasn't His falt,I know,I am glad to know that He isn't hurting anymore,He is at peace.I just don't understand why I cant get pass this?Is this the whole reason,why I cant move on?Why I cant get things done,do the things I used to love doing?I don't want to hurt anymore.I wish I had a printer,I would print this out and give it to the doctor.But,do I want the doctor to read this?I am not crazy,I don't want to give uup.I just want to let it all go,I want to move on,I want to be happy.Why am I so hard on myself?Do I need some kind of pills to help me get through this?What do you think?Thanks so much for taking the time to read my Blog.I am blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life.Oh yeah,I also want so much to get back into my hobbies again,I keep saying,I need to write to a lot of my pen pals,but,never do,I just lay in bed.I want,you all know what I want.Anyways,I am going to stop here,because I am starting to fall asleep.You all know,I will be back.This is my new laptop,so,I don't have any pics to add to my entry yet.I am still trying to decorate my Blog,which I am getting no where.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout!!!