You know who it is!

Hi everyone,

                  I hope everyone is doing good,as always,I am trying to hang in there,the best way I know how,even when I don't want to.One good thing is that I am finally approved to get on Health Insurance,but,wont be affected till April 1st,which is April Fools Day!!!Right now I feel like my head is going to exploid,I put on a happy face on the uside,on the inside,I am dying and I don't know why,does that make me crazy?I don't think anyone knows how I really feel,how my heart feels.Am I depressed or am I just still so sad that my Dad is gone?Its been about 2 years and I still feel this way,even when He was alive,I was still unhappy with my life,but now it seems worse.I want to be happy again,I want to have fun,I want to live again.I don't feel like doing anything anymore,my room is a mess and haven't fel like cleaning it or even making my bed.I want to tell the Doctor everything how I feel.I honestly don't know how to live,you don't need to worry about me,I am way to scared to hurt myselfI cant even say the other word,I wont do that,because,I know I have a family who loves me and I know it would kill them.I think I just need a little help.Maybe if I was still working,I may not be that sad or depressed,but,I cant work due to my Arthitis and my knees always swelling up.I just want to be able to wake up in the moring,not feeling like its the same old thing.My Mom asked me the other day,if I felt like I was homeI couldn't answer,but,she asked me if I would have lived at the house knowing my Dad wasn't there and it was just the two of us,I said no,it wouldn't be the same.I give anything to have myDad back.sometimes,alot of times,I feel like theres a big elefant laying on my chest,now,you probllay think I am crazy.My Mom and my Sister would say,I am not depressed,I am just lonely and yes,I am that to.I am a care giver to my Mom,she needs me a lot,sometimes I want to have some fun for myself,but,would have no clue what that would be,dont have many friends.I just want to laugh,smile,be silly.I am going to stop here,I am getting a little tired,but will contuie to be back and write again.Be safe and warm out there.Peace Out!!!