Feb 17, 2013

Just Me!!!!!!

Hey Everyone,

                   Hows it going?Good I hope,wish I could say the same for myself?I feel like you all are getting tired of me complaining.I am hoping that when I get my feelings out and people hear me,maybe I will start to feel better,have a peace of mind,I don't know.But,tonight,I am relizing something about me,that I don't think my family understands,that I don't get myself,I am so scared of actullay getting out there in life and having fun,yeah,I go on vactions with my Mom,but,thats different,when my girlfriend asks me to go out,I am finding I am always making an excuse.What is worng with me?Why cant I let myself enjoy life,have fun,laugh a little?Just seems like,I am falling and cant get myself out of this hole that I am in.I wish people would understand,mainly my family,mom Mom and my Sister,I want to get out,I want to do all those things,but,I am scared,I am soooooooooooooo scared to let myself out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Scares me to even say that.So,what do I do?I not liking myself right about now,I am still not with Gary,wanting to go back with Him,would be for the worng reasons.I don't have a reason to get up in the moring,like when I was working,I had a reason to get up,but,even after my Dad died,everything changed.I guess what I am saying is,what do I need to do?Do I talk to my Mom and my Sister,let them know how I feel?Here I am,almost 41 in May,I don't drive,still living at home,that I don't mind,its having a life that I do mind,that I don't have.I don't want to be this person,than again,why cant I force myself to do the things I need to do?I know I am depressed,sometimes,like I said,I just want to keep falling and falling and not stop,but,I cant,because,I have a family and friends who love and care for me,guess that is a reason to live for,to get up.I want to feel pretty and to feel loved again.I don't want to hurt anymore.My Sister says I am not depressed,I am just lonely,that I need to let God take care of things and I understand letting GOd take care of things in my life,I am trying,its hard.I just don't get it and I want someone to get it,I want someone to tell me,this to shall pass,will it?I am just tired,tired of it all.I want take all theeses feelings that I am feeling out and start to live.Thats what I am saying.Thank you for taking the time to listin to what I have to say.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout!!

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2 comments:

  1. UnknownFebruary 20, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    I've been where you are now, honey so know how scary it can be. There was a time I was afraid to leave my house, couldn't make any decisions, couldn't care for my kids. I realized i needed some help. I loved the Lord and leaned on Him but realized I needed a different kind of help. I went to counseling and hope, if you haven't ever gone, you'll consider going. I know many people who told me "I can't go. I tried but they want to talk about personal stuff, and I can't do that." The more honest you are about everything, especially with yourself, the sooner you'll be where you want to be in life. It's not easy. It IS scary and I understand that. If you don't want to go to counseling then I suggest you start with baby steps. Demand something from yourself, like for instance going someplace with a friend, or yourself, if you prefer. It doesn't have to be a long ways from the house, just do something to get you started. The thing you need to remember dear one is that the longer you let fear run your life the longer you'll be as miserable as you are. Fear has only as much power as you give it. And just so you know..you're welcome to vent as often as you wish. We all love you., Friends don't give up on each other. You take care now. Love you much.

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  2. JeanieMarch 2, 2013 at 9:56 AM

    Dear Amanda,

    I do feel that you need some extra help from your doctor, just to help you over this grief that you are going through. You are not only grieving for your beloved Dad, but you are grieving for the loss of your relationship with Gary, and the future you had invested in together. Not many folks realise that divorce/seperation can have such a huge impact on a persons life. My own daughter left her husband just over a year ago and she has needed much help to get her through the rough times. She has two children and had to find a home for them and begin again. Your family will of course be there for you,that is only natural, but only you can eventually come through this sad time when you are ready. It will take time and you will internalise about it until you have satisfied that need to know that you did the right thing. If it is any help I think you did do the right thing. You know that for sure too. You just have to work through it slowly for now. Please think of your reasons for doing what you did...write them down in a list if it helps, and then put down the hopes you had for yourself for a new future. Take little steps, that you can easily see or achieve, and tick them off as you realise them. One step at a time. You owe that to yourself angel. There are big changes ahead but only you can carry them through. That takes strength and determination. I know you can do it because you have already begun to question how.
    I wish you all the very best. You can and will do this. There is no such word as 'CAN'T.
    Onwards and upwards!!!!!
    God bless you!
    Jeanie xx

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