Am I ever going to get to that happy place in my life?

Hi Everyone,

                  I hope you all is doing good,wish I can say the same.I know,you all must be getting tired of me comlainging a lot,I am getting a bit tired of it myself.I was going to title this,I want my life back,but,dont really think I ever had it,if I did,it was probllay when I was younger.So may things have changed since my Dad and the break up with Gary.I know I need to be by myself,but,it really bites.I keep telling myself everyday when I get up,I am going to get up and get into some kind of project at a Craft stoor,but,it never happends,I don't understand why?I cant get past this empty phase I am in and Gary doesn't understand that either,I try and explain things to Him,but,He doesn't get it.All I know is I need my life to change,I am almost 41 and going nowere in life.I feel so low,I just want to be happy with myself.I want to wake u in the moring and have a reason to live for,just don't know what that is.I don't want to do anything,not happy with anything,I put on a happy face,but,I am not,how do I explain that to Gary?I texted Him this after noon,seeing if He could get my Medicineand I didn't have any money,but,I texted Him back later tonight that my Mom is going to take me to get it.I just want my life to begun.So,when,will it happened?Wil it ever happened?I tink I have heard somewere,that when you about 40,you have one of them life changing moments,if you all know what I am getting at?I think that is happening to me.Because,seriouslay,I feel like my life is heading down wind and I cant seem to pick myself up!!!I cant eat,well,been having a problem with that,need to get it checked out when I get my health insurance back,I have a hard time swolling anything,eating or drinking.I don't feel pretty.Dont worry,dont have a heart to harm myself,because,I know what it would do to my family and friends I know I have a lot of people who care and love me.I just need to get out of this,slump,deppresion,what ever it is.Do you think,I am all just talk?I don't think I am.But I think I am going to get some sleep.I love you all.Be good to you!!!!There is only one you!!!!!!!!Be safe and warm out there.Peaceout!!!!