I think I can actullay finally breathe!!

So you all want to know the real deal?Okay,I will tell you,hope you all is having a nice night,I am actullay hanging in there,I am sad,but for once in my life,my whole life,I know what I needed to do and that God was telling my heart to do.No matter how much hurts,but,while in the relationship,I was hurting,I think we were both hurting,I could see it in Garys eyes,I could see He wasn't happy,I wasn't happy and I haven't been happy for so long,I don't even know what that means,I need to laugh,I need to have joy in my life.I am not saying,in no way,Gary is a bad person,He just needs a lot of help,yes,He does drinks and I don't want that.Why, am I so stubborn,my Brother and Sister says,its because I wanted someone like my Dad.I have no confidence in myself,I don't know how to land on my own two feet.He doesn't even want me to learn how to rive,everytime I would mention it,He would be like,I don't want to see you in a Hosiptal.I know He cares and maybe loves me and that another thing,we have the word Love all the time,you have to mean it,it has to come from the heart.He was always working,I never sa Him but two days out of the week.You can all be honest with me and tell me the truth,this was a bad relationship?I knew it was,just didn't see it,its notall on Gary,I was tired of being put down.I don't want to ever go back to that again.Do you all think I am making things up?I could really use your advice.I talked with Gary,I told how I felt,what I wanted out of my life,I didn't want a man who drinks,my Dad did,He was a good man.I want a godly Christian man,from Gods heart,is that so worng?Mabe,I am not susposed to get married,maybe Gd has something else instoor for me.It will b a long time before I get into a relationship,even if I do.I want to find myself,I want GOd to work in my life.What do you think?I wll be back later.Be safe and warm out there.Peaceot.