Jul 31, 2012

Been a long time venting!!!!!





Hi Everyone,well,it looks like I am back,I am so happy,because,I have so much to tell and pf course,I dont know were to begine.Alot has been going since the passing of my Dad,so many changes.I miss my dad so much it hurts,never knew how much I missed Him till He was gone in a flash,it was a shock to us all,we had no idea,one day He was here,the next,He was gone.he was our lives,He did everything for us,He wasnt perfect,but my family wasnt perfect either.But we love eachother.Dad loved us,He made sure Mom and I were taken care of,He knew something was happening,He knew He wasnt well.He even talked to my Sister and Her Husband,wanted them take care of all the assects.Is it still hard?Yes,its a strugel,I feel alone,sad,depressed,sometimes,wanting to give up,but I cant,because my Mom and my family needs me.Do I hurt?Yes.Am I stressed,very.My whole life has changed right before my eyes,taking care of my Mom,isnt easy,I am a care giver.I love my Mom
and would do anything for Her,but,sometimes,I get,stressed,mad,angry,hating the world,sometimes hating myself.But would never hurt myself,because of my family who loves me so much and I love them.I want so much out of my life,I feel like a faliur,stupid,havent made any goals in my life,like when I said would.I am scared,scared of life,scared of wha
t is going to happend to me.As you can tell this has been a long time comming,a long time comming here and just actullay venting about everything how I feel.I want to call my Doctor tommrow and tell them,I am hurting,I am in pain,but,maybe its,just all this stress,I am going through.Alot of people may say,your young,you dont need all this stress.I want to cry,I want to let go,I want this pain to stop,all because of my Dad left,I dont blame Him,He was hurting,He was in pain and I am glad Hes in a better place.But I wish He was here.I try to be happy.I want god friends,have a good life,be happy and have peace in my life,how do I get that?I know from GOd.Its just hard.I am going to stop here,I will be back.Thank you all for listning.Love you all.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout.

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3 comments:

  1. REGINAJuly 31, 2012 at 10:40 PM

    so glad you found your journal and can write again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mortonlakeJuly 31, 2012 at 10:56 PM

    i am very sorry for you loss Amanda.i lost my father when i was 18 so i do know.it takes time to heal,and the pain does change eventually,doesnt go,but is easier to bear.good to see you got onto blogspot in the end.tc,mort

    ReplyDelete
  3. ShellyAugust 4, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    Hi honey. I am glad you are writing again. You what I think? I think your dad will always be there with you. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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