Yup,its me again,you might see me more often.LOL.

Hi guys,I felt the need to come back here tonight and just vent get some things off my mind,like always do.LOL.Well,I havent been blogging in a long time,and I want to get back into it.I would like to get back into alot of things in my life since my Dad dide last Jan,still so hard with Him being gone.Even in a new home,I want to find Him walk in the house,sit at the dinner table and watch tv.I miss Him sooooooo much,He was a part of our lives in a big way.now it has all changed for all of us,for my Mom and I and my Sister and there family who has been taking care of us alot,doings things for us and Shes got alot on her plate as well.All my family helps out in a big way.I still cant imagin my Dad being gone,still wonder alot of times,why did He leave?I know its not His falt,it was His time to go.I just never had the words to say I love you,Dad,I have had said it to Him in the past,I know He knows I love Him,I hope He does,I know He does.I didnt say it very often as I liked to,like I have said it to my Mom.I am more close with my Mom than I was with my Dad,I love Him sooooooo much that it just hurts right in the pit of my stomach.I was so diffrent when my Dad was alive,I felt like I had some purpose in ny life,I did alot,I was still working,which I am not now,due to the fact we had to move near my Sister,which was what my Dad wanted.Basicllay all I do now is,sit at home,watch tv,take care of Mom and the dog,do some cleaning,thats it,I am not into my hobbies,that I want so much to get back into.I just feel its sooooooo hard to do.I wish I can turn back time and have my Dad back,everything would be the same,but,it is not.I want so much to have peace in my life,that is hard,because I dont have it,I am trying really hard to rely on GOd,to go to Him,to pray to Him,I havent been doing a good job of that.I dont have baiscllay any friends,I feel lonly alot.I do go to church and they love me there and I do talk to some of them while I am there and have made a friend who wants to go out and do things.I am just so shy and dont know how to break out of that.Yes I have relyed on taking pills to help me get through this and I know that isnt a good thing,I am just sad and feeling alone and I dont want to feel that way anymore.My Dad wouldnt my feel that way or any of us.It was such a hard shock when He died,I remember it like it was yesterday,we knew He was sick,He had been sick,also had been taking alot of pills for His heart,the Doctor told Him,He had a choise to have a pace maker or taking pills.I am thinking if He had a pace maker,maybe He would still be alive.To be tottlay honest,I hate it,I hate living here,I hae all this new things,but,this is our new life,we have to make it work and it will get there,even if it takes us a long time to get there.I just dont think I will ever be happy.Not sure if you all know I broke up with my Ex,but,He is comming to church this Sunday March/ 4/12,was alot of reasons why we broke up,I know He stll loves me and I still love Him,but,I dont want to love Him just to have someone there,if you know what I mean.But were going to sit down after church,have a bite to eat and talk.I dont even know were to start,so,if you all have nay adivce,would be much greatful.Anyways,I wil come back here more often and let you all know whats going.Stay safe and warm out there.Peaceout.