Hi all,

I hope you all is having a good day/week,I am hanging in there,trying to hang in there.Its hard,its a strugel,because,right before my eyes,my life is changing,it is actullay changing for the better,sometimes,I think it isnt.There was a reason why God put me here,why things are diffrent,why my Dad died,why I quit my job,why I started going back to church.belive me,I still,want to go back to the old ways,because,I thought it was better,I thought it ws better living in the life style I was living in.My Dad ws the best Dad dad ever could have and miss Him sooo much.I am mad Him and know I shouldnt be.Hes in a better place.Hes at peace.But when I get up there,I am going to give Him a peice of my mind.LOL.Why did you leave us?It was all of a shock when you died,we had no clue,you died on us,but,took good care of us and we are well good taken care of.You dont need to worry about us.But,still whishing you were here so does the rest of the family.We have a new a dogy because of you!!!You wouldnt have wanted another one.LOL.Am I sad?Am I hurt,angry,alone,yes,I think Mom does and doesnt understand how I feel.It hurts soooooooo bad and I cant let it out.You knew something was going to happend,because,you even talked to my SIster,made sure that Mom and I would be ok.You wanted us to be near them,so they can keep an eye on us.Do I want to go back home,do I want you alive,yes.But,its diffrent now,things are diffrent.I want to say,you have no idea,but your up in Heavn,looking down on us.It hurts in the middle of my stomach.I just want you to know,were ok,were fine,you dont have to worry about us.We love you sooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now with my Moms health issues,Shes not doing so weel,I cant say much on Face Book about this,so,I say it here.I am scared and woried for Her.Shes got alot going on right now.she just got a Kidney removed from cancer,but,She also has 2 anurisms,one in Her brain and I think one in Her tummy.I dont understand why all of this is happening.I cant loose my Mom,I would tottlay go crazy.I cant work right now,because of taking care of Mom,it is a full time job.Its frustating at times,but,I do it,because,I love my Mom.I want Her well and happy.It just hurts so much,that,my Dad died,And now Moms health.I do know,I have a good church family praying,as well as my Face book people and my family praying.I do nt understand why,like,I have said before.It just makes me soooooooo angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I want to be happy,I want joy in my life,for the first time in my life and I dont know how to get that,I know from God and I want that from Him.But its so hard.I strugle.I just dont know anymore.I know things will get better,at least I hope they will.But not for a while,since my Mom isnt well and I am taking care of Her.She doesnt get why I get frustated with Her,dont mean to.I dont want to.But my life has changed so much.Alot takes out on me.I want to have some fun to and know that my Mom does also.we have been getting out,thanks to my Sister,whos been ding so much for both of us,Shes been doing alot and Shes also got alot on Her plate as well,Shes also mad and angry at Dad for leaving.I am going to stop here,I am not finished,just tired,going to eat something and lay down.Be safe abd warm out there Peace out.Love you alL!!!!!!!