Yup,its me!!!Venting!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Everyone,

Yeah,its been a long time since I been here,alot going on now in my life,dont even know were to begin.I felt comming here millions of times and everytime I do,something stops me,than,I go back to Face Book.LOL.I felt the need to come here and vent all my problems out on the tabel,so to speak.First of all,I miss my dad soooooooooooooo much,it hurts,I feel alone,sad and alone,even thoe,I have my family,they been rock,specillay my Sister and Her Husband and kids.They are baiscllay our care taker,specilay my Mom,right now.My Mom is going through alot right now.I cant say alot on face Book.Shes got Kidney Cancer,needs to have one removed,the Doctor said,she would be fine with one,but,needs to get this taken care of soon as possible.She also has an Anurism,one in Her brain and in Her stomach,it is serious,we are all trying to put a good front on,but were scared,I know,I am,I cant loose Her,right after loosing my Dad.I would probllay break down.But,with everyone praying,I know,She will pull through.She says,Shes not scared,but,I know,She is.She is on aot of medicine.Even taking something for Anxity,which,She needs,She needs to stay calm,no stress.I have been there alot for Her,helping Her and everything,but,even,I am getting a bit stressed out.I am scared.We just had a nice vaction,come and find all this happening.I wish my Dad was alive,I want Him to be here,but,I know He cant and I do know,Hes in a better place.I feel like its not a happy place right now.Not just because of all whats going on,so much more.I broke up with my Boyfriend after quite a long time being together,it needed to be done,I hate it and a part of me wants Him back in my life,but,this is for the better.I know He did so much for me,doing so much for me,but,it kinda got out of hand,wasnt real love for the both of us,He may not know it,but,I do.You think He would pick the phone up and see how were doing,maybe,Hes scared,but,Hes also got my cell phone.Part of me,thinks,He wanted it this way.A part of me,think,He just wanted a friend,I belive He loved me,I honestly think I miss Him,because,I was getting out of the house,thats,kinda of mean,isnt it?I did and still love Him and worry for His life,because,He drinks,alot and probllay alot more now,because,I am not in His life.Belive me,I told,you alot going on in my life.I am stressed out to the max and dont know what to do!!!!I dont even watch movies or get into the hobbies I used to love doing.I try,but,its hard.Its still hard,trying to get used to this house,I like it and it will be home,but,I still miss my old home,so many memories.We do have a dog,thats a plus.LOL.He does bring happyness into this house.Things He does.Hes a Messersmith,thats for sure,takes after my Moms eating habbits.LOL.They have there own little midnight snacks.Yes,Shes on a diet and been doing pretty good.I just cant understand why,before,when,She went to other Doctors,before my Sister took Her to the Hosiptal one night,the DOctors,said,She was in perfect good health,thats what they said.I am very scared.I have so much on my plate.I would have put pics in here,but,forgot,I am on my guest and I dont have alot of pics.Maybe later,will add some.I am not working,still waiting for the Inhartance,no money,I have bills are late,thats another thing I am stressed about.So,how,am I susposed to be happy?I been trying to pray more,reading my bible,is a little hard,havent been doing that much.I want a good life,I want a happy one.I want good friends.But,I feel right now,my life is a mess and I dont know how to get it back in order,the healthy way.Anyways,I am going to end here.Thanks for listning to me vent.I still belive I havent cryed over Gary yet,I am sad,and feel its comming,dont know when.I just want a friend in my life,someone to talk to,hang out with.Will that ever happend?Hope you al have a good evening.Be safe and warm out there,even thoe around here,its been pretty hot out,in the middle of Oct.Peaceout.