Well,Well,Well,What do you know.Its me.LOL.

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all is doing good.Well,I tryed sevral times trying to tempt to write in this BLog,everytime I do,I found myself deleting it,I feel the need to come here and just vent,all my feelings out on the table,or paper,or what ever you call this.I always start out by saying,were do I begin?I have sooooooooooooo much to talk about.I dont know who all knows that my Dad has passed in Jan,Jan 8,still seems like yesterday,wanting Him back sooooooooooooo bad that it hurts.I know that dad and I were not very close,I know that He loved me,even thoe,at times,I think to myself,did He love me?I wasnt the best daughter and I never really told Him the three letter words,I love you,I did,but,didnt say it often,it was hard telling Him that,the hardest and I admit that,that it was.He would tell me,that He loved me,but not that often either.But He was the best,the greatest,Dad ever,He provided for us,made sure we were good,that we didnt have to worry about everything.My Sister told us that before He died He wanted Mom and I living near my Sister and Her Husband,which we do,right across the street.Life as I know it,has very much indeed changed,for both Mom and I,for the most part,Mom and I are good,we have moments,like today,She is mad at me,guess,She will get over it,sooner or later.What gets me,if it was my Sister,if She got upset with Her,yeah,She would be mad for a little bit,but,than get over it,call Her and make sure everything is ok.Why doesnt She do that with me?I know She loves me,will do anthing for me.But,so,much,from loosing Dad,think She just takes it out on my,Her way of grieving,not a very good thing.I hurt,I get mad,angry,upset,why did you have to leave?You still should be here.We shouldnt be here.I cant takw it back,cant bring Him back,He is at peace,not hurting anymore.But,why did you go to the Doctors,before getting worse?I dont understand it.You knew something was going on.The day when I said goodbye,that was the last words,I said.It is still very much of a shock to us all,still will be for a long time now.Changing the subject.Getting onto something else.LOL.

I can say so many things going on in this house,just between Mom and I,how we get along,I mean,yeah,for the most part,we do,than other times,we dont and sometimes,I just cant take it anymore.I make a face,not even relizing doing it,Shes,like,I saw that,than the whole darn day is messed up because of one little face,by my Me!!!Like I said,I love my Sister,Her family,they do sooooooooooo much for us and I am greatful for that,but,it feels like,I am an outcast,thats what I feel like.Probllay said this before,if they got mad at eachother,it wouldnt be long,like,for Mom and I,it would be the whole day,till,unless,She is hungry or something.I feel She doesnt understand me.I do so much for Her and I feel She isnt greatful for it,she doesnt say Thank you,for cleaning the house,when we had an open house,Shes like,if you didnt want to do it,you didnt have to,yeah,right,I know,I know I had to do it,I know,I had to clean,or it wouldnt been done.I feel I do everything around this house,I really do,all She does is,I am sorry to say,lay in bed and do nothing,Good thing,this Blog is private.LOL.Why doesnt She get what She does?Why doesnt She get thati dont want to do this and I dont want to do that,like going to church,I go Sunday morings,thats it,She wants me to go Sunday morings,Sunday nights and on Weds.Back when I went all the time,She never did,I always asked Her to go,now its the other way around.If I dont go on Sunday morings,She gets really,really,really angry.I dont even know what to say anymore.Just between you and I,I really think my Mom is depressed,I know She is,She wont do anything by Herself,I always have to go with Her,I cant say no.Dont get me worng,I love my Mom very much,She will do anything for me.I just get sooooooooooo mad at sooooooo many things and She doesnt understand.I think,I try my best,I think I try and do whats best for Her,helping Her out.I feel,She doesnt want me to have a life.She doesnt like my Boyfriend,because,I am always out with Him,which,I am not,if She needs to do something,I am with Her,but thats another story,why,She doesnt like Him.She wants me to get into church full time,find the right christian guy who would be right for me,not saying thats worng.Anyways,I think I talked long enough.I need to get off of and get some things done.I hope you all have a nice weekend.Be safe and kooooooooooooool out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Peaceout.Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!