Hi guys,yup,I am back again.I have alot on my mind,probllay have said that in my latest entry.But do hope you all is having a good night.Looks like I will be up all night,slept half the after noon,shouldnt have,meeses my nights up,because I cant sleep.Half the nights,I cant sleep anyways,usllay go to bed about 2,falling alseep watching a movie on demand,the same movie I watch faling alseep to,every night.LOL.Cant remember what its called,its a Disney,Snow White,not anything near the orginal one,but,its not bad.LOL.Dont ask me.I dont understand,right now,why I feel like crying,why I just feel so uterrly alone and I know I am not the only one who does,I know my Mom feels the same way.Just as I have said,life has thrown a big huge Mmountian,even thoe it hasnt been all that bad,I cant seem to get off that big,huge Mountian!!!!!!I am trying,but it hurts sooooooooooooo bad,that I wi
sh I was with my Dady,why?Why am I still hurting?I also miss my
Bestfriend.I feel so alone,it hurts.My heart hurts,I have a Boyfriend,Hes great,but,probllay doesnt know how I really feel about my life right now.I want to go back home,I cant,I want to turn time around and make everything the way it was,I cant.Someone tell me,why am I being so hard on myself?Why is it so hard to move on?Dady,why did you leave,if you didnt leave,everything would be ok,my world be a happy one.But its not,and I dont know how to let it be a happy one for myself.I am always saying,I am trying to work on goals in my life,but,I dont even know how to start them,evenn when everyone is telling me,srat little.Maybe its because,I dont want to.Is it because,I am living in a pitty party?I cant do much because I dont drive,how am I susposed to do things,get around,if I dont drive
?I lost intrest in so many things I used to love doing,cant find anything intresting to do.I am a care giver to my Mom everyday and let me tell you,its hard,frustating,I love my Mom,you all know that,I cant loose Her.But to be tottlay honest with you all,I have no life,I want a life,I am trying,dont know were to start trying to get a life.I am going to church,but,I know,you dont go to church just to get out or meet people,you go to church to learn about God and have peace in your life.Yes,alot of times,I dont know if its because I doubt GOd,or if its because,I am mad at Him and I shouldnt be.But why did He have to take my Dad and my Bestfriend?I feel like I have been a very,very,very,very
long,emtional,painful rolloer coaster ride of a life time,not since my Dad passed away,even thoe,after Dad dying,I am still on that rollor coaster ride and now my Bestfriend passed away last week,even thoe,we havent been close and wasnt very close with my Dad,but knew my loved me alot and knew my Bestfriend loved me alot to.Belive me,I want to have a good life,I want to have fun,enjoy life,I want to laugh.I know I have travled alot with my Mom since Dad passed,and that was fun and were going on another Cruise,the last one for a while.My Mom says She really doesnt want to go on this one and I kinda do and dont,its nice getting away.Were going with some friends from church.But the next Cruise,we would like to go on a Disney one,this one will be a Carvainal one,will be our 2nd time going on a Carvainal. one.I want to stop here,I will come back.Just my puter is acting up and I want to post this before my puter wont let me.LOL.I will be back.Love you alll.Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout.
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Wanted to try this out,doing my own comment.If you all wondering who thoes pics are,you probllay know who they are.THe first one is my Mom and oldest Nephew of all the Grandkids,the other one is my only Sister,other than all the SIstter N laws I have and thats my Nephew,they are brothers,thats the Mom.
ReplyDeleteAmanda, honey, losing a loved one, suffering any kind of huge loss puts a huge hole into our comfort zone. Getting better takes time. It doesn't happen over night, or even within a few weeks. Here is a link I hope you will check out. It was created for people just like you, and me pretty soon, is a link for people suffering a loss, any kind of loss that has interfered with them getting on with their life. Please check it out and pass it on too. The link is journeyofhearts.org. If it doesn't work when you click on it here, type the words into your toolbar and go that way. Trust me on this, honey. This site will help you. I have used it many times in my life and will use it again when my Johnny dies. You take care. Know I love you and am here for you always.Haven't gotten back to you because things are a bit rough at the moment and I am not doing well myself.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the words to make everything all better but that isn't my gift. instead i will pray for you. hugs!
ReplyDeleteHang in there honey. I try and just talk to God like He's a great friend. Glad we can be here for you! Xo
ReplyDeleteLife is tough, honey and that's the truth. Death, difficult and painful a thing as it is, is part of life. It hurts but happens. You just have to take things a day at a time and try not to expect so much from yourself. I know it's hard not to think about your dad but if that is all you do, hon, you'll always be stuck in life. Moving on does not mean you've forgotten him or don't love him. And the truth is, if he were here and could talk to you I know he'd be telling you to get on with your life, to ber alert to the blessings you do have, those "SHINY" moments in each day. They ARE there, honey. They are. But you'll never find them or recognize them if you're focusing only on what makes you sad. Think about this okay? Love you much.
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