Frist part of letting it al out!!!!!!

                                   

Good after noon to all,hope everyone out there in Blogger land,out there in the world,is having a good day,out there in Face Book land to.Hehe.I am,doing my best to hang in there.One thing,I am happy to get my Blog back,just hope they dont change it again.LOL.I neeed a place to talk,vent,about the good,bad and the ugly.LOL.Someone please tell me,what the word Happyness actullay really means?I am trying so hard,day and day out,to be happy and I cant,to be tottlay honest,its not in me.I can honestly tell you all last night wasnt a good day,Mom and I was good,we were ok,but for some reason,I felt like I just didnt want to be here and I told my Mom,I felt sad,depressed,down,I just told Her I felt sad and depressed,but,I felt all of the above.I dont want to feel that anymore.I want to change my attiude,its just so hard to change the way I want to change it.Why I cant change it.Am I really depressed,is what I want to know?My Sister says I am not that I am just sad and need to get out,make friends do fun things,but,I dont know how and I have been going to church and going to church helps,being around good Christian people,you get smiles and hugs and you get alot out of the Sermon,of Gods word.I like that.But when am I going to find peace in my heart?Stop being so mad and angry?It doesnt help with two women living in the same house,alot of times walking on egss shells.You all know,I love my Mom soooooo much and I will do anything for Her.But it can get to be to much,to hard,to frustating and I cant tell Her that,because Shes has Her own way.I am stressed,She doesnt understand why I get stresed.I need to have fun and I dont.I get angey with my dad,because Hes not here,my Sister gets mad at times to.I just miss Him so much,not because He had done so much,I miss Him,because Hes my Dad,I love Him so much,we werent that close,but,always knew He loved me and would do anything for me.Told me He loved me.It was hard for me telling Him I love Him,but I told Him and He knew.I never knew how much your life can change when someone you love so much dies.But I know Hes in a better place.I just miss Him and we all miss our love ones.I worry so much about my Mom,it worrys my because,She doesnt even come out of Her room,hardly at all,just lays in bed,She will cook and clean and help me out,but I still feel like I took my Dads place.She doesnt get it why I get the way I get sometimes.I know I have said I want to do so many things in my life,but,how can I?Things will hopfully fall into place when I get a part time job,someone at Church,She is a blessing and helping me so much.But this is not all what I am dleaing with,with my Mom,She is my Mom,thats not a must do job,I need to do that,because She needs me,I am Her daughter,but,I also need to have a life,there is something else bothering me,but will get to that later.I just ask that you all pray for my Mom and pray for my one 2nd oldest Brother and His family who is going through so much.Well,I am going to get off of here and get into something,which I have already did alot of things I needed to get done,my laundry,clenaing my bathroom.LOL.Thank you for taking the time out to listin to me vent.Be safe and kool out there.Hope and pray everyone is safe from the Huricane.Peaceout.