Hi Guys!!! :)

Hi Everyone,

how are you all doing?Good I hope.I am doing ok here,I cant complain,that I say my life is going somewhat ok.There maybe a few problems that I would like to talk to my Regular Doctor about.I will get into that later.As I mentioned on face book,I did an Entry on my Blog the other day,but,it kept messing up,so,I had to delete it.I have time this weekend,so,thats what I am doing now.I also figure,it has been a while since I been here.Thought maybe you guys would like to see what I am up to.Not much really going on,other than working alot,I am wishing I was back on vaction.LOL.But than again,who would rather be on vaction,than at work?There are some things I would like to get off my chest.I dont know were to start.Dont get me worng,I love my family,they mean the world to me.Sometimes,I feel like all of my family isnt there for Me,or my Mom or even my Dad.Now I do know,if anything were to happend,they would be there for us.Lately its like they have there own lives and I know they have there own lives,but,why dont you pick up the phone and call once in a while.I love my Sister,sometimes it gets me angry that She spends so much time with the church,now that She is a Pastors wife,She has all dutys with the church and Her family,its like I am not even Her Sister,Her and my Mom would talk all the time,now,not so much.I know She is trmendously busy,but,give me a break.She is always running around,doing something for the church,making sure everything is ok with that.she has even said that shes adopted some of the teen agers,one of the teenagers at church,now why would you say that,you dont even spend time with your family.Maybe I am worng for saying that.That is just how I feel.Maybe thats why Idont go to the church.A part of me wants to go to church,another doesnt.for some reason,I just feel they have there own glitch.I am just kinda tired of it.Now I sometimes dont understand why I wont go to church.I used to love going.I want you all to know I love my family,they know I love them and I know they would always be there for us.But,lately this is how I been feeling.Its not a good feeling.

I feel the same way about my Oldest Brother who lives in London,He doesnt call my Mom,like He used to,I know He calls His wifes Mom.Why He doesnt pick the phone up to call Mom,I dont uderstand.Another thing is that,they say they want me back into church and find a good Christian man,they dont think Gary is the marrying type and not a good Christian man.I get mad when they say that.I love Gary and maybe Hes not the marrying or type or how they want Him to be.But,I am happy with Him.What do you al lthink?I dont know if I even want to get married,maybe I am to set in my ways,like my Mom tells me.I know theres things I would like to change in my life.but,I wouldnt even know were to start.I think of myself as a loner,in some ways,its nice to be alone,than again,its not.I would like to have a few good girlfriends,but,in this day and age,its hard to trust,you know?I feel like all I ever do is work,come home,be on this puter and sleep.I would like to at least have some fun in my life,do I want to be a loner?No,not always.Someone once told me,I belive it was one of you guys,but,cant remember who it was,that said,that,I ddidnt chooce to be this way,that it just happends like this.Something like that,I cant remember.But I think I am finally addmiting that I dont want to be alone.But,its hard to trust someone and let someone in my life,that I can talk to,that I can confide in,have some fun with.I need to make good friends,if you all know what I am saying.The friends or should I say,friend I have,I lvoe Her,She will always be my Bestfriend,but,sometimes,I feel like Shes not there for me.I am always helping Her out,making sure She gets what She needs.Her and Her Mom are both on SSI,they dont work,they live in one of theeses building for like eldery people,but,She can stay with Her Mom.They live in a one bedroom apartment,She has cabel in both rooms,the living room and Her bedroom,She is always getting Pay Per View for Wrestling.I dont know how they do it.I give them like,10 or 20 dollors every now and than,to get what they need.I just feel like I am alone in this world.I am always worrying about something.Thats why I never have any fun in my life.

I am always doing things for everyone in my life,like my Mom,making sure She eats,everytime I am out with Gary,which is most all of the time,when I bring a snack home for me,I bring something for Her and I go to the stoor every Friday for Mom,to get food for Sats,for my Neice and my 2 Nephews.I kinda get tired of it,and I think Gary does to.But,I cant say no.I can,than She would be mad at me.Sometimes,I wish I had my own life,but,would I be happy?Even if I was to live with Gary,would I be happy?I would probllay always worry about my Mom and my Dad.I think maybe thats why I dont want to leave,venture out in the world.what if I was to get a job that was far away?Wishful thinking.Sometimes I think about that,like the cruise job.LOL.I think I am getting way ahead of myself.I want to go see my Regular Doctor,who I have only seen once,I would like to talk to Her about theeses things and some health issues I may have.One big health issues I have is,when I am eating,I get sick all of the time,food always gets stuck in the middle of my throat and I have to stick my finger down to get it out,usllay end up throwing up,sorry guys,if I am making you gag.I dont have a deises,I was told that I need to have my throat stretched and I think I should get it done.I would love to eat something and not get sick,even when I drink.I also think I drink way to much soda.Anyways,I think I am running out of words to say.So,this maybe a TO BE CONTUIE.Thanks for listning me to.I hope to hear from you guys.I would like to get into my Blog more,I want to clean my Blog out.Hope you all have a nice weekend.Be safe and kool out there.The weather cant make its mind up,if it wants to be cold or hot.Peaceout.