Another Entry from ME?Yuppers!!!

Hi all,

I hope everyone is having a good night.I am hanging in there.Why does it seem so hard comming here,for one thing,letting you all know how I am doing,for another thing,letting all of my feelings out.I know Ihave done two other entrys,but,that,didnt seem like much.Lets see what happends here,in this entry.I know,I always say,I have so much to say and I and I also always,were do I start?Were do I start?LOL.I can actulay admit that I am tottlay addicted and loving Face Book,it does take up alot of my time.I guess I can can call it one of my hobbies.I know I need to try and limit myself,but,I dont know how,so hard to do.I never knew I could get so addicted to something like that,at first,I didnt like it,but,once,I got on it and all my friends are there,I was hooked.I am on Twitter,but,I never get on there,I dont like it.But,I do feel like I need to limit myself,which I know for myself,probllay wont happend.But this isnt why I came here tonight,I want to come here,to get so much off my mind.So many things,I feel I been doing ok,I worry about my health a little bit,but,I know I am good,One thing that worrys me is,when I eat,if I eat anything,it comes right back up and,sorry,if this makes you all sick,but,if I have to always run to the bathroom,make myself throw up,because,something is always stuck in the middle of my throat.Which I hate,because,I can never really eat,when I am out,unless,I am near a bathroom.I know at one time,a Doctor told me that I needed my throat stretched,which I should probllay get it done.WHat do you all think?

I am also afarid to change,try new things,be more indapendent,which scares me more than anything.It worrys me,because,I am limtied to doing thubgs on mny own,because,here,I am at 38,still living at home and I dont know how to drive and I have to depend on people to take me places,my Dad takes me back and forth to work,Gary does also,Gary,takes me were I need to go.But,for,once,I would like to be more on my own.I know my Mom worrys for me,She would probllay even worry about me alot if I was being more indapendent,like learning how to ride the metro buss on my own,I can see it now,She wouldnt let me go by myself,thats how limited to things.I know that people in my life,say,I have it so easy,because of the fact,that I live at home and I dont drive,but,thats not true,I dont have so easy,I have worrys,they probllay say,what do you worry about?One thing on my mind that scares me is,I think about,what would happend to my parents,I would want them to live up till there 90s.LOL.But,I hope,I am not living at home at my age.LOL.See,that scares me,because,I need to learn how to take care of myself and I dont know were to start.Thats were I am not happy with myselfI guess what I am saying is,change scares me and I dont want to do it,but,I need to.In a way,I think my Mom doesnt want me to leave the house,in a way,I dont either.But,you just cant keep living in the saftey zone,you know what I mean?

I am just sitting here thinking about things in my life,for one thing,its late,well,its 11:28,Mom and Dad are both alseep,which,I didnt even know and I had my Tv blasting,thats another limited thing,because,I am right above themI am working late tommrow night,so,I dont have to go to bed right away,but,I dont want to stay up to late.I feel like I dont know how to have fun in my life,am I a loner?I dont think I want to be that way,why cant I face my fears of gettting out there,wanting to meet new people,doing new things.This my saftey zone and a part of me wants to stay here and another part of me doesnt want to stay here.It is also not good to keep things bottled up,I dont have many people to talk to,Gary doesnt even know how I feel and maybe I should tell Him.I am just tird.Sometimes I dont want to close my eyes at night.I dread always going to work,I am thankful that I have my job,I need my job,but,I am always dreading going in,lately,Ii know I been messing up,I will admit to that.I know most of all of them people are so fake and phoney,its sad.I cant belive I work with people who are like that.Thats why I need to learn how to keep quiet,which I am doing.Yikes,I am starting to fall alseepTrying to keep my eyes open.I worry so much about work,its not even funny.I think I may have to do another entry for another day,because,I can hardly keep my eyes open.

i know alot of people probllay dont like me at my job,even people in my Dapartment,thats,ok,I could care less about them to.Dont get me worng,I dont want anything bad happend to them,but,alot of them people are not on my top friends list.LOL.Like one person in my Dapartment,She knows,I dont care for Her to much and I also know,She dont care for me,She gossips like any other person in that stoor.Ok,I think I may have said enough for right now,I am falling alseep,How ever.I would like to mention that,I wish I had like a Mentor,dont know if I mention that earlyer,maybe I am to old to have one,but,I love to have someone in my life,just to help me along in my life,giving me a little push.Because,yes,I am scared of life,scared to have fun in my life.I still even think about the past alot,there this person in my life,who was in my life,that,I think about making things right,that has been on my mind,of wanting to write a letter,but,wouldnt know were to start with.Maybe its to late?But,I would love to get rid of my past,making things better.Even,letting this person know how much I care and miss this person,saying sorry about alot of things,that happend ages ago,but,it keeps comming in my mind alot.What do you think I should do?Also need to do hat with someone else,but,not as much as I need to do with this person.Anyways,this is as far as I am going tonight.I hope you all have a good night sleep Be safe and kool out there.Peaceout/