May 7, 2009

Here I am,stil alive.



































































































Hi Everyone,







How is everyone doing?Good I hope.I am hanging in there.Ok,I feel like this is getting to be a drag,comming here and trying to actullay finishing this Entry.Its not like I have alot to say,I do,I have alot to say,its just,I dont know,I feel I have lost intrest in writting in my Blog,to tell you the truth,I feel I have lost intrest in so many things in my life,besides this Blog.For the very first time,I feel I have no excitement,no fun.All I ever do is go to work and come home.Dont even get me started about my job.Dont get me worng,I am greatful I have one,but its diffrent now.All I want to do,is get the day over with and get out of there.So much I want to say,just dont know how to get it all out.Is it even worth it to write in here?You all know,I wouldnt give my Blog up for anything,I would contiue to write,even if I dont come here often.I am just so very tired,its taking me some time to finish this Entry,,because,I am thinking of what I need to say.I feel like I cant do this anymore.But,I am not giving up.Just right now,I am feeling sad and alone and I dont know why. Sometimes I will be sitting in my room and I staart to cry.I feel I have nothing to show






out of my life.Here,I am 36,almost 37,still living at home,depending on my Dad taking me to work,picking me up.I feel I am worthless.I am scared of trying to be indapendent,I know one day I will have to learn things on my own and I should be doing that alredy.But,what is stoping me?I feel like something is worng wit me,because,I am this way.Its like I have some kind of Phobia,of being on my own,like learning how to ride the metro buss,which I would love to learn,but,I am scared.Before I go on,I ould like to talk about my work place,not that I dont want to,but,eed to get that off my mind,just like Melissa says in Her Blog from,noweretohide,She wants to leave work at work,but,I cant do that.So hard trying to do that.I dont even feel like that place is my 2 home,which it actullay is,but you all know what I mean.I never seen a plae like that,that loves to gossip and so many fake people.I am talking about my Boss,I am not happy with Her,when I am not happy with Her?I ad very upsetting news tat She tells me,wehighing on my mind,even now as I type.FOr one thing,here I am,I have plans for tommrow,with my Mom,SIster and Neice,a Mother/daugter thing to go to.She changed my hours,had me down from 930 to 530.I couldnt do thoes hours,if I didnt had plan,I would.But,wat She was telling me,was,that if She needed me,She didnt have to grant me my day of plans.I think that is worng,because if it ws anyone else,anyone,She wouldnt have said that and I know for a fact,She wouldnt.I am always there for Her,when ever She needed me,I am there.Se knows,I am tired,She knows I cant handel all of them hours.Its nice to have a good pay check.It just makes me so mad.I dont like half the pople in there,but,you have to do what you hve to do.I cant switch to another Dapartment and its hard now days to find a good job,like I have,that comes with Health Insurance.Oh yeah,I am always forever,worrying about my job,when I am off,worrying if I did something worng.I need to stop that,because,it is making me sick and not feeling good about myself,one of things why I am not happy.Anyways,I need to get off of here and get some sleep,due to the fact I have to work early tommrow,one more thing,my Brother cleaned my computer,its faster now,only,one thing thoe,I forgot all about my Graffics,I have my Photo Bucket,but lost all the ones I saved.So I will have to put tem into Photo Buck right when I get them.If anyone has anyone with my names on them,could you email them to me?thanks.Can,you guesss,I like twilight?I love Edward Cullen,He is a hottie.I hope you all have a good weekend ahead.Be safe and kool out there.I will be back to write more later.Love you all.



2 comments:

  1. Mandy sweetheart - you feel what all humans do at many times in life, it's part of how you form your persona. Losing motivation and energy for things in life, your blog, people, it's coming from your brain's chemical balances and sometimes they're thrown off. But don't listen to advice, not mine or anyone's - listen to what your true passion tells you, no matter how long it takes. May I add, I know alot of this can come from living with a parent but I think you know what you're doing. I've faith in you.

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  2. Hey hun missed you alot. I hope all is well and things work out great for u..sometimes life sucks, life is great whats important is that we are here :) see ya.

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